This has been a very hard week for me to write. I've been going through alot of stuff and I wasn't sure how it would all come out. I was really afraid of things getting to emotional and me just spewing stuff everywhere.
I guess I will start my dad... it was his birthday this week... I was afraid that if I let any feelings out they would just rage out of control. I wish that my dad was here this year so that I could wish him a happy birthday, to share with him that he has a new great grandchild named Tristen and a new son-in-law named Travis. I would also want him to know that Audrey is going to give him another great grandchild. I wish I could share about my aching heart, about the confusion that comes with the Orchard Way House being completed. I really believed that we would all be back together as a family as the house neared completion. So much sadness for me, also I guess rejection. Dad I miss you and I need you in my life. I want to be able to talk to you about all of the confusion that swarms around me when it comes to my relationship with Bob. I'm trying very hard to honor God in this relationship I just feel like the devil jumps in and makes a mess of things.
I'm struggling.... not knowing which was to turn. I want to make wise and loving choices. GOD help me.
Soon the anniversary of my dad's death will come upon me. I'm not ready for that at all. I'm praying God will lead me in the right direction, cause I feel very lost and alone in this.
I think, yet I know that God and His love and His wisdom will see me through this. He will love me, love me enough, love me more than enough. help me Jesus, because I am afraid.
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