New beginnings!

For almost a year now I have been active with New Life Ministries. You can check out their web site yourself at http://newlife.com. When I first visited the site I was in so much pain and I was looking for a way to deal with so many issues. I found the message boards there and I was able to connect with other people who were hurting as well. I began emailing and posting to the message boards. I was also lucky to find people who were further down the road on the way to recovery. From this collection of people I received solid Godly advice. I also met a wonderful friend and throughout the last year we have developed an awesome friendship. I was in a place in my life where I felt I was unlovable. But God brought this tremendous person into my life and through her I have learned that I am a valuable person, created by God just as he intended me to be. This past summer I went to a workshop in Anderson Indiana. It was one of the most powerful events I have attended. When I got to Indiana I was ready to give up on myself and on some very important relationships in my life. As the hours went by and I listened to Steve Arterburn talk, my out look on life began to change. During the counseling sessions, I found love and support from complete strangers. I learned that God loves me and He is there for me even in my darkest hours. I learned how important it is to deal with the past hurts of my life. The only way for me to move forward was to make the choice to begin the healing process. The seminar was called "Healing is a Choice", I would recommend this workshop to anyone who is struggling in their life and looking for answers. I also got involved with New Life Ministries small group coaching. It is a small group of people along with a group coach who communicate by phone once a week. Our topic was "Boundaries". We learned about "Boundaries" through written lessons and applying these concepts in our daily lives. We learned how to include healthy boundaries in our daily lives. We spent time each week in prayer and sharing our experiences and finding new ways to approach the difficulties in our relationships. Our group coach helped us get to know ourselves and each other. He also showed me that it is safe to share my heart with someone even though when I tried this in the past it brought me nothing but pain. The coaching is offered as a group activity or individually. I urge you to consider giving this a try if you find you need someone to talk to. I continue to use the resources of New Life Ministries, be it books, cd's, the radio broadcasts, group coaching or visiting the message boards. In the past year God has given me the gift of new friendships and a new beginning. What an awesome God is He.

What are we entitled to?

When my needs are not met I react in several different ways. Sometimes I get sad, other times I feel frustrated. There are those occassions when I feel angry. Lately I seem to be alot more angry. Even though I have desires and needs, I don't have the right to be angry when I don't get what I think I should. Matthew 6:33 shows us what our true needs are. This scripture points out that our real needs are spirtitual. Yes it's important to our daily survival that we have the basics; a roof over our head, food to eat, and clothing to wear. But the most important need we have is to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Once we choose to turn our lives over to Jesus and look to Him to meet our needs, we can then be free from the struggle of expecting others around us to fill all those empty spaces in our lives and in our hearts. When I become angry because someone has not met my expectation, I have choosen a path that leads to more disappointment and hurt for me. There is also a very real possibility that my anger has hurt someone with my words or actions.

Feelings can be emotional!

Today I experienced so many different emotions in such a short period of time I felt dizzy. I did not realize how exhausting in can be to "feel". I guess in the past I have avoided feelings. It was easier to just ignore them, than to explore what was happening inside myself. I started with happiness, went onto being sad, next was defeat, then frustration, and continued to just being plain confused. Lucky for me I finished with finding calmness and security in the arms of Jesus. I learned a valuable lesson today. It's ok to recognize our emotions and to work through them.

Christ Centered Forgiveness

The deeper I go into the subject of forgiveness the more I am beginning to realize I not only need to forgive others but ask others to forgive me. When we hurt or wound people with our words or actions, it can be difficult to admit that we are responsible for those wounds. I am finding that I need to work on apologizing for my behavior. I get so caught up in myself that I miss what the other person might be feeling. Sometimes, maybe even often, it is hard to express love to someone that has hurt us, or even to someone we may have hurt. Christ centered love and forgiveness is the key. I believe God had a very awesome message for me. Last week I was asked if I would like to watch a video on the subject of forgiveness. Even prior to agreeing to watch that video I felt led to buy a book. Turns out both the video and the book was the work of Dr. David Stoop, PH.D. When I received the book and started reading it, I found that it was on the same message he offered in the video. In the book by Dr. David Stoop, "Forgiving the Unforgivable", he brings home a very important fact. Forgiveness that is anything other than Christ centered is not an option. It can be difficult to face the reality and the responsibility when we offend someone. As I was learning about how to forgive those that have hurt me, I became very aware of the fact I need to learn to ask others for their forgiveness. Desmond Tutu said, "Without forgiveness, there is no future." I have challenged myself to work on being more aware of my choices and how they effect others. When I become aware that I have offended someone I need to apologize and tell them how sorry I am that my words caused them pain.

Cleansing of the Heart

I am consumed lately about why it is difficult to forgive those that we love the most. I have been hung up about what I need from the other person in order to forgive them. Once again I am reminded that my forgiving someone is not dependent upon their behavior or their actions. I am still struggeling with my heart about giving this burden to God. For the last year I have wished that this someone special in my life would come to me and apologize and tell me that he was sorry for his behavior. That may never happen. I need to forgive him even if he never comes to apologize to me about this issue. In order to be free and ready to move forward I need to be able to let go. Forgive as God has forgiven me. Letting go does not mean your going to forget the hurt. The hurt may even resurface later because of something else you experience. As I was reading in the book of Matthew God's clear on this matter. To be spiritually healthy we need to forgive those who hurt us.

Denial

Going from being hurt to being angry can be a very short trip. Rather than express my hurt recently I went straight to being angry. Hurt was not a recognizable emotion for me when I was growing up. There was not anyone to model that behavior. Instead anger was what I experienced. Or another reaction I experienced as a child was watching someone hold the hurt inside denying there was a problem. I think we can easily fall into the trap of reinacting our childhoods. The longer we stuff our emotions the more dangerous the outcome. Whether we react in anger or deny our hurt feelings the think the cycle can continue. Both behaviors can be damaging to a relationship. We tend to pull away from each other and grow apart. I wish now that I had been able to share my hurt, instead of reacting in anger. Whether we stuff it or blow up we arrive at the same place..... isolation.

Changes of the Heart.

I overlooked something yesterday. I have prayed that God would change my heart. In the whole process of changing my heart, I hoped that good things would come in relationships in my life. I had all these grand ideas of exactly what changes I wanted to take place in the other person. I felt that in order for the relationship to get better, certain behaviors of the other person would need to be different. I would need to see, get or feel those exact things. What was I thinking? The only person I am responsible for is me. The only person I can change is me. Now through changing myself it does allow for change in others. I believe with my heart that by doing things in new ways and allowing God to work in my heart, it can result in people around me changing their behavior. By gaining respect for myself, by settting boundaries and learning to trust God when he directs me, I know good things can happen. Yesterday I almost missed out on feeling the joy and happiness I had been hoping for. I was busy wanting my way and expecting the worst and when this person showed me love and kindness I took it for granted. It took talking to someone very wise and who has a heart for God, to help me see what I had missed. After talking with my friend, I went and thanked my husband for showing me kindness, for putting me first and for showing me love. Thank you God for hearing my prayers and for teaching me such a valuable lesson. I'm going to be watching more carefully so I don't miss out the next time you send a blessing my way.

We all have a purpose!

Recently I was reading and came across a wonderful passage. It talked about how when God created us he had a purpose in mind for each of us. How God left no detail to chance. He planned it all for His purpose. Nothing in our life is arbitrary. It's all for a purpose. When I think about my life in those terms, I realize how much God loves me. I feel comfort knowing that I was concieved in the mind of God. Someone asked me recently what I wanted to do in my future. I want to serve God and to use my every experience for His Glory. I believe that even the sorrows and pain in our lives can be turned into something positive.

More on Forgiveness

As I continue to learn more about forgiveness I came across something very important. As I read and study I'm finding that I could pass on my unforgiveness to others around me. I could easily teach my children the wrong things. If I hold onto bitterness and anger I could convey to others around me the wrong message. I don't want to do that. I want to grow and I believe the way to do that is to forgive, not only others but myself.

Forgiveness

This subject is a difficult one for me to address. I have carried bitterness and anger over choices other people have made in my life. I have learned through godly counsel that I can't change that other person, I only have the ability to change myself. So today I started a book on Forgiveness. Someone very special to me gave me this book. I know just from reading the first few pages God has something wonderful in store for me. As I finish that book I hope to share more with you. The book is called How to Conquer Unforgiveness by Jerold Potter. I pray for wisdom as I read this short little book. I know God has something special planned for me.